Day 14

Poor Mario.

Did I really say that?

Yes, and I think I meant it as well.

He just didn’t seem so bad in Monday’s episode, and actually I came close to wanting to hug him at the end.

The first thing that went wrong was Jennifer told him he was like her dad. Mario appeared stunned into silence and maybe a bit hurt. Of course, it’s possible BB edited it that way to help ensure eviction rival Alexandra goes on Friday. And maybe Mario was only shocked because he hadn’t realised Jennifer could speak. But I think Mario sees himself as quite a cool, young person, so being told he wasn’t was a bit of a shock for him. And it’s not very nice to see people that upset, even if they are tossers.

At the end of the episode, Mario climbed into bed for a bit of nookie with Lisa. Now, obviously, this is totally disgusting, not to mention very disrespectful towards the people who have to share a room with them. But when Big Brother called Mario to the Diary Room at what seemed like a pretty crucial moment, he really seemed a bit embarrassed and bewildered, and not like his usual objectionable self at all. If he’d been wearing a few more clothes, maybe I would have wanted to hug him.

But Jennifer deserves no hugs whatsoever. Not only did she upset a housemate I now have a very tiny amount of affection for, she blames Mario for the fact she doesn’t “feel like a mother.” She seems to believe that if Mario stopped behaving like a father, she would feel like a mother. No, Jennifer, it doesn’t work that way. If you want to feel like a mother, then GO HOME and look after your twenty-two month old baby. And seriously, missing court dates because you’re busy fame-seeking is very nearly as disgusting as having sex with Mario. (Not that I’ve ever had sex with Mario.)

The house’s other young mother, Alexandra, is facing eviction alongside Mario. After her behaviour on Monday night’s eviction show, her chances of staying are minuscule. When Dennis arranged a house meeting – a pathetically obvious attempt to stir up trouble – Alexandra claimed she has never talked behind anyone’s back: if she has a problem, she tells people to their face. She was so convincing, I believed her. What’s more, I think Alexandra believed it too. But the public aren’t going to let her get away with that.

Sylvia doesn’t want to let her get away with that either. As soon as the meeting was over, she went to the Diary Room and bitched about Alexandra behind her back, saying that Alexandra is always talking about the other housemates. “I’m FUMING,” she said in the Diary Room. “FUUMMIINGG!” I’m not sure if she was trying to be Nikki or Nadia, but it wasn’t very convincing.

At least Luke showed a bit of honesty – of a sort. “If I want to talk about people, I’m not going to do it to their faces,” he told Big Brother in the DR. “I’m going to do it behind their backs in the Diary Room!” This isn’t clever, and it’s only a little bit funny, and it’s completely at odds with the claims he made in his audition tape. But he was so endearingly delighted with himself, I really don’t think anyone minds. Being cute and young and not very manly puts you at a huge advantage in the Big Brother house.

It’s unfortunate for Mikey that the public thinks only one of those things - the last one (I think he’s all of them). They have no problems with his blindness, of course, but I really don’t think disliking him for his voice and his appearance is all that much more acceptable. Neither is criticising him for not trying to have conversations with Dale. I mean, how is Mikey supposed to know where Dale is when Dale never speaks? Besides, do you want to talk to Dale? I don’t think I even fancy him anymore. I’m torn between Rachel and Rebecca (and Sezer and Imogen and Gareth Southgate, but they’re not in Big Brother). So if Big Brother would like to feature a bit more of Rebecca in the Highlights, I’m sure all her fans would appreciate it.