Day 16: Alexandra

I don’t need to say what happened to Alexandra. I’m sure even the non-BB fans have heard about it.

But did Big Brother make the right decision?

Yes, they did.

Alexandra said something that could be interpreted as a threat to her fellow housemates. She said when she leaves the house, she’s going to see her housemates’ friends and family, and she’s going to be able to do the shit she can’t do when she’s in the house. She has gangster friends who have ‘instructions to follow out’.

I believe she didn’t mean it the way it sounded. When Big Brother asked her questions about what particular phrases meant, she explained them coherently and convincingly. Also, it’s not unlikely Big Brother edited what Alexandra said, leaving in the phrases they see as important. I’m glad Alexandra admitted to saying what she did, as I don’t know how far we can trust Big Brother to give a balanced view of anything. Different phrases will have different levels of importance depending on the context in which her words are taken, and the omission of a particular phrase might make the phrase following it seem very different. I’m not suggesting that Big Brother did this on purpose to make Alexandra worse than she is - to some extent, it is their job to exaggerate incidents in the house: in order to entertain the viewers, they have to make some scenes seem more dramatic than they actually were. But in matters of possible criminal behaviour, they have a responsibility to depict scenes as honestly as they can.

Some would say ‘pow pow pow’ is pretty conclusive. But conclusive of what? That Alexandra is a violent, nasty, aggressive thug? Or perhaps that she is a mentally damaged individual who never should have been placed in so stressful and challenging a situation as Big Brother.

A lot – if not most – of Alexandra’s problems are her own fault. Some are the fault of the people who have hurt her – and she must have been hurt a lot. She finds it very difficult to trust people, and any signs of apparent disrespect is very upsetting for her. Anyone with such characteristics is likely to be under particular strain in the Big Brother house because Big Brother is playing games, and a lot of her housemates are going to be playing games as well, and I think this puts anyone who is very suspicious of this all the time under a lot more stress than most housemates. There are past housemates who could also be described as obsessive about this sort of thing and who were hurt by others in the house, but most of them accepted it as a part of BB life rather than fighting it, and showed themselves to be much stronger people than anyone expected at first. Alexandra can’t help but fight anything that comes along.

Sometimes Alexandra’s tenacity can be very positive. She seems to have worked hard at the tasks, and she has made some good points about unfair behaviour from the other housemates. The problem was that she insisted on making her points over and over again, and that she took any response to what she was saying, including ‘you’re right, Alexandra’, as an attack. But Alexandra has spent so much of her life fighting, and she’s probably got so much into the habit of it, she can’t always tell when there is something to fight and when there isn’t, and life has taught her ‘if in doubt, fight’. This sort of mentality is going to make life incredibly stressful, and it’s not all that surprising she can’t always think before she speaks when she’s in that sort of state.

This could be a feasible reason why Alexandra behaves as she does, and I think it seems very sad that Alexandra is so insecure, she feels she has to defend herself from what she sees as attacks every moment of the day.

But Big Brother has more to consider than a particular housemate’s intentions. Big Brother didn’t articulate this point very well, but I believe the real problem in this situation was that Alexandra’s words could be perceived as being threatening. I am happy to accept she didn’t mean what she said in an aggressive way, but you also need to consider the effect your remarks are having on other people. Her housemates have been disturbed by Alexandra’s words on a number of occasions. So has Big Brother, and so have the public. It’s not fair for her housemates to have to cope with the severe anxiety caused by living with someone with Alexandra’s problems. If you go into the Big Brother house, you can expect to be frightened by Big Brother. You can expect conflict. But you shouldn’t be that seriously worried about comments made by another housemate.

Alexandra said herself that her remarks could be perceived as threatening if put into a particular context. She obviously has serious emotional problems that have limited her understanding to some extent – for example, she has trouble accepting that some of her housemates’ words to her were not meant as she interpreted them - but she understands what should have been Big Brother’s main point. Alexandra was, at first, willing to listen: she stayed quiet when requested (I don’t think ‘mmm’ noises count as an interruption), and quickly stopped herself when she did find herself breaking into what Big Brother was saying.

But I think Big Brother made a mistake in continually saying Alexandra ‘was’ aggressive rather than using the words ‘could be perceived as’. Maybe it wouldn’t have made a lot of difference, but I think sometimes it’s easier to appreciate what someone else is saying if they show some sign that they’ve listened to you, and that they respect your views. (Respect is particularly important to Alexandra.) Big Brother barely acknowledged Alexandra’s explanation. If this wasn’t an aggressive act exactly, it is certainly one that could put someone on the defensive, and make them less amenable to hearing your points of view.

I wonder if it might have helped for Big Brother to show Alexandra footage of the incidents in question. Alexandra doesn’t think she’s an aggressive person, but seeing footage of her behaviour might have help her to understand what Big Brother means. A lot of housemates including Jade and Charley have watched videos of their time in the house and realised that what seemed perfectly reasonable at the time in the heat of the movement was actually pretty awful. I’m not saying Alexandra should have been shown these videos instead of being ejected. She had to go. But it might have supplemented her earlier warnings, and helped her to see Big Brother’s and her housemates’ points of view.

If any BB fans hate Alexandra for her behaviour, I can’t really blame them. But one thing I do think is unacceptable is discussing what they would like to do to Alexandra if they saw her in the street, or what they would like her gangsters to do to her. I can understand why people feel angry with Alexandra, and I don’t think it’s an unnatural expression of anger to imagine what you would like to do in that moment of emotion.

However, I think writing about what you would like to happen to Alexandra on the Internet is taking it too far. In some ways, people who do this are worse than Alexandra. I haven’t seen anyone threatening to send gangsters after her yet (although hoping her gangster friends turn on her is not far off), but there does seem to be a big difference between Alexandra and the people who have written about her like that. Alexandra doesn’t seem to realise what she’s done wrong: at the moment, I don’t think she can see past the fact that she wasn’t trying to be aggressive and Big Brother’s inability to accept that. But the people writing aren’t in Alexandra’s position. They know her behaviour was wrong because they condemned it themselves.

I am sure that most, if not all, of the people who wrote things like this aren’t really planning on doing what they said. I’m sure most people wouldn’t march up to Alexandra in the street and pow pow pow. As they’re in a stronger position mentally and emotionally than Alexandra, they are probably less likely to carry out what they’re saying than Alexandra is. But even talking about it could be perceived as a threat. That’s actually pretty much what Alexandra was doing, except that her words seemed more ambiguous.

So, to reiterate. Alexandra should not have gone into the house. This is Big Brother’s fault for putting entertainment before of Alexandra’s and her housemates’ mental health. If Alexandra meant her remarks in the way she says she intended them, she was not being threatening. However, we must also consider the potential effect on anyone who hears these remarks, and her words could certainly ‘be perceived as’ threatening, and this is against the Big Brother rules. Housemates who break the Big Brother rules should be punished, and three serious offences should result in removal from the house. But that doesn’t mean we have any right to speak about her in the way she appeared to be speaking about others.

Alexandra had to go. That’s one thing Big Brother did get right.

I hope Alexandra and her daughter (together or separately, whichever is best for them) stay safe, and that Alexandra is able to work towards overcoming her problems.